Northwestern Energy's Controversy Over Opposition to
“Personhood”
March 16, 2015
HELENA, Mont. - There is a political storm brewing in Helena over
the circulating rumor that Northwestern Energy plans to launch its
considerable and well-paid lobbying muscle in opposition to HB 1425,
the “Personhood Amendment.” This bill would add language to
the Montana Constitution to assure that constitutional rights are
extended to all persons, including as early as at conception.
This comes on the heels of controversy over Northwestern's active
opposition to HB 598, about the constitutional rights of gun owners.
When asked about this possible opposition, Northwestern spokesperson
Sally Stumpcatcher commented, “We feel that HB 425 might possibly
have some implications for the health coverage we provide for our
corporate officers and high-level administrators. As such,
it's a natural fit for Northwestern's mission to get
involved.” Stumpjumper continued, “This is the era of
corporate social responsibility. What could be more
appropriate than Northwestern spending stockholders money on
relevant issues like when a person first conceives of the idea of
having children – that's what 'conception' means after all.
People have no right to be people. They must earn that right,
preferably with a six-figure income.”
“There is another good reason for Northwestern's aggressive
involvement in HB 1425,” Stumpchaser added. “There is a glut
of people out there who want to be corporate officers. Clearly
it's an oversupply situation. We want our existing corporate
officers to have all tools necessary to help prevent further
oversupply and competition. Since this is a matter of supply
and demand, and Northwestern is all about supply and demand, this
also makes our involvement appropriate.”
During the interview, Stumprobber was also asked about
Northwestern's pending plans to eliminate Golden and Bald Eagles
from within five miles of any Northwestern electrical transmission
line. Stumphoarder responded, “There is a well documented case
in Mexico where an eagle pooped on a transmission line, causing a
short circuit and fire that resulted in electrical outage for about
13,000 families. We must be proactive and not allow that to
happen to the good people of Montana. That's our corporate
responsibility.”
When queried about the process for the eagle elimination,
Stumpgrinder explained, “It will be a two-step process. First
we will trap a lot of small animals along the right-of-way to use as
bait for eagles. Then we will put these small animals in cages
that will also be traps for eagles. When an eagle sticks its
head into the trap to get the small animal, a spring-loaded club
will come down breaking the eagles neck cleanly, providing a
painless death.”
Meridith Merriwheather of Moms Against Trapping disagreed. “In
57.4% of the cases, the spring-loaded club doesn't kill the eagle
outright, but just grabs it by the neck and holds it until it dies
of starvation, strangulation, or loneliness. We've seen many
of these cruel deaths. Everybody knows that eagles need to be
free to live. Besides, eagles can't help it if they poop, even
if it's on a power line. We definitely oppose this method for
Northwestern to eliminate eagles near its power lines, although we
might support some other elimination method that is more
humane. Maybe Northwestern could just put diapers on eagles.”
It remains to be seen if this new direction in Northwestern Energy's
lobbying efforts will be accepted at the next meeting of
stockholders, where members of the Northwestern Board of Directors
are elected. If Northwestern has miscalculated the tolerance
of stockholders, a new Board of Directors could be elected. At
least one stockholder, James B. Bruntweather of St. Paris, South
Dakota, expressed reservation about Northwestern's lobbying
policy. He claimed, “I've seen videos of all the stray dogs in
Thailand that need rescue. If Northwestern going to spend my
money on this new, profit-losing corporate responsibility, at least
they could spend some helping to rescue mans' best friend in
Thailand and other needful places.”
Reported by The Montana Onion