Governor Steve Bullock
Dear Governor Bullock,
Just like you "support" the Second Amendment, we support the First
Amendment, but as with you and the Second, we support the First
Amendment with reasonable and commonsense restrictions.
Because of these commonsense restrictions, you are no longer
allowed to speak on government property, including within 1,000
feet of schools and buildings occupied by any level of
government. That would be just too dangerous. You are
also not allowed to speak in any other public place unless you
have a government permit to do so. Such a permit will only
be granted if you have satisfactorily completed an approved
training course about how to comply with writing and speech
restrictions - how to use your rights safely.
You are no longer allowed to use amplification to enhance your
speech, as such amplification is considered to be "high capacity"
or "assault speech." No microphones; no amplifiers.
You are no longer allowed to use any electronic means to write,
record, or transmit your speech, since those mechanisms were not
yet invented when the First Amendment was ratified. Being a
smart and capable guy, we're sure you can get by with a pen made
from a turkey feather and the volume and reach of your natural
Another commonsense restriction will be what you may write or talk
about. We will have a committee available to review any
proposed writing or proposed speech from you, in advance.
This committee will research your past writings and speech, and
the proposed writing or speech, looking for any abuse or history
of abuse. If there is any such abuse or history, the
committee will not approve your writing or speech. If you
attempt to write or speak without this advanced approval, you may
be prosecuted for a federal crime, bankrupted with legal costs,
put in a federal prison, and lose all of your rights. By the
way, Republicans will appoint this review committee.
Oh, and there will be a ten-day waiting period after your writing
or speech has been approved by the committee before you will be
allowed to share the writing with others or deliver the
speech. You may have composed the writing or speech in a
moment of passion, and you may reconsider your intent or language
after you've had a few days to cool down.
You will be allowed to speak to one person at a time, in a private
setting, as long as you do not disturb others and the content of
your speech is approved in advance. And, you will be allowed
to write as much as you want, as long as the writing is with a
quill pen, is approved in advance by the committee, is reproduced
only manually, and is carried only by foot or horse power, all
following the ten-day cooling down period. We will allow all
of this, for now, because we fully support your First Amendment
rights and because we do not wish to be unduly restrictive.
We hope you understand that these commonsense restrictions are
best for everyone - for the public good. You aren't opposed
to the public good and everyone, are you?
If these commonsense restrictions don't solve whatever problems
may be apparent or imagined, we will need to look at other
possible restrictions. We don't really want to take away
your First Amendment, but everyone demands that we solve the
terrible problem of First Amendment abuse and solve it now.
Surely we must all bow to the majority of public opinion in this,
don't you agree?